Media Release

9 September 2009

Support for people bereaved by suicide.

 Skylight, an innovative support organisation helping young people and their families/whānau deal with change, loss, trauma and grief, is supporting World Suicide Prevention Day (September 10 2009). Deaths by suicide in New Zealand outnumber the road toll, and internationally over a million deaths a year occur by suicide. Latest statistics indicate around 9 suicides each week. Two of those will be under 25 years old.

International research shows that good support after a suicide can help prevent future suicides. Skylight works to help increase the understanding and knowledge about the nature of suicide, encourage suicide prevention strategies in our communities, and provide effective support for those affected and bereaved by suicide. Skylight provides hope and help for many people affected in New Zealand by this issue, including children and young people.

Any kind of death is difficult. A death by suicide can be sudden and really tough to handle. It leaves people with many questions which are difficult, if not impossible to answer. It can leave people feeling overwhelmed, stuck, angry and with many “if only…” feelings. A death by suicide will deeply affect close family and friends, but also others who knew the person less well.

Here are some guidelines for dealing with death by suicide – for people bereaved by suicide and for those who help support them through their significant loss and grief.

What can you do to support someone bereaved by suicide?

• Let them take as much time as they need to, to grieve their loss. Everyone is different. Let them grieve in their own way – there are no rules. There is no set timetable. Grief is as personal as our fingerprint – unique to us alone.
•  Let the person talk if they want to, but let them choose for how long. Let them decide what to share with you and how much.
•  If the person doesn’t want to talk, respect that and let them talk later, when they’re ready to.
•  Listen well. Listen some more.
•  Let the person express whatever emotions and thoughts they need to. It’s a way they will adjust to what’s happened and to what it’s like for them.
•  Do not try to give them all the answers.
•  Do not try to put blame onto anyone for what has happened.
•  If the person seems very distressed or somehow ‘stuck’ in intense grief after several weeks or months, you could suggest they consider talking with a counsellor. Suicide grief is never easy and counselling can be very helpful. Check the counsellor is trained and experienced in supporting grieving people.

If the person’s health is suffering in any significant ways, suggest they see their doctor.

• If they are feeling suicidal themselves in any way, urgently ensure they see a doctor or counsellor who can help them handle their very intense and dark feelings. Don’t hesitate about this. Call 111 if necessary, or go with the person to a hospital emergency department.
•  If you find it difficult to handle supporting the person, pull back and link them with others more trained and experienced who will be able to. This is sensible. There are lots of ways to support a grieving person.

Find ways that better suit you, if you need to.

• Offer the person practical help if it’s wanted or needed – like help with a task, cleaning, making meals, driving them somewhere, running messages or babysitting. If they say ‘no thanks’ just accept that. Don’t be pushy.
•  Encourage the person to look after themselves really well: getting enough rest, food, drinkand exercise.
• Offer good resources or information. You can contact Skylight, on 0800 299 100, for practical and useful information about suicide and grief.

Suicide support organisations in New Zealand include:

• Skylight: go to www.skylight.org.nz, email info@skylight-trust.org.nz or call 0800 299 100
• Victim Support www.victimsupport.org.nz or 0800 VICTIM (0800 842 846)
• SPINZ www.spinz.org.nz, email info@spinz.org.nz or call 09 300 7035 (provides information only).

For more information, please contact:

Caroline Cole Tel: 04 939 6767

Skylight Counsellor, Co-facilitator of Bereaved by Suicide Group www.skylight.org.nz

Or

Tricia Hendry Tel: 04 939 6767

Acting Chief Executive, Skylight 021-987-995